It didn’t take much for my hopes and dreams of motherhood to be quickly squashed.
You know that Mother you always thought you would be?
Always happy, NEVER YELLING and enjoying every single moment?
Growing up I always knew I wanted to have kids, in fact I really had no desire to be some powerful executive or boss. My hopes were to marry the love of my life, have a litter of kids and raise them in happily ever after bliss.
I mean thats the stuff dreams are made of right ?
See the thing is, now that I am pregnant with my fourth child, homeschooling two of the three, and on my eighth year of marriage I have come to a very sobering truth.
I am not enough.
Sounds harsh right?
If you are being honest with yourself, you’ll quickly realize you are not enough either.
I have way more kids than hands, my patience is always almost run dry.
Homeschooling my boys has been one of the hardest, yet most rewarding ventures that I have ever done.
( almost as hard as keeping my marriage in tact and biblical )
Yeah that marital bliss I thought for certain would be mine, thats also out of reach.
Come on guys, be honest.
It is hard work, the house, the kids, the husband, forget actually having friendships.
My marriage is always evolving, my mothering style also changes daily,
it sort of has to because who is the same person they were yesterday ?
My kids needs and development is constantly requiring me to stay on my toes.
By the end of the day, I’m tired.
I sit in bed after I quietly check on every cub sleeping peacefully,
and go through the highlight real of my days failures.
I should have listened to my first born better.
God why is he so hard to handle?
Or when the baby hit his head I didn’t rock him long enough,
Or the obvious, what if I am not cut out for this homeschool thing?
All whispers from the enemy, not my God.
Mamas, I am not enough.
Guess who is?
Just breathe that in for a moment.
We aren’t made to do this alone.
The King of the world knows our frailties.
The perfect Mommy doesn’t exist.
And this motherhood thing is a lot like what Jesus did for us on the cross.
Seems far fetch?
We serve others daily, selflessly.
In a small sense we die daily to selfish ambition and are constantly forced to put others needs in front of own.
The old man is made new in Christ.
My previous wants and desires are no longer relevant.
Put on the new self.
If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.4 When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Enough will always seem out of reach.
We weren’t meant to be enough, otherwise what need then would we have for a Savior ?
When my sons look back at my imperfect mothering, my biggest prayer is that they know they were loved.
Not that their meals were perfectly organic or
that I took on that crazy task of being their primary teacher.
Just that through every fight, every bad day,
Mommy loved them to a place in her soul that could never be measured.
That I was never a perfect parent, but I depended on my perfect God daily.
Happy Friday !
P.S. your favorite mama bear blogger is back 🙂